DaniLand

Nashville

2010-10-16T01:43:00.000-07:00

I went to Nashville for Beloit's Fall break with this great guy named Michael Thompson

I had an utterly wonderful time.

We ate delicious food.
Capitol Records just happened to be throwing a huge block part across the street from our hotel on Music Row.

The weather was wonderful

We took a tour of Mammoth Cave in Kentucky an camped overnight in the National Park

We saw the Parthenon Replica

And did a ton of other cool, sometimes touristy, always amazing, things.

I'm in love!

Sorry It's seemed so emotional lately!

2010-10-03T14:30:00.000-07:00

I know that no one reads this. But in case anyone ever does I appreciate your patience with the vagueness of my posts.
Here's a concrete one to shake things up.

SO
this is the last week before fall break. Classes have been going really well for me this year. I haven't missed one and I've done every assignment. I'm beginning the application process to study abroad at James Cook University in Australia next fall. And this weekend I'm flying to Nashville to hang out with one a really good friend for a week. We're planning to drive to Mammoth Cave one day as well. It's going to be amazing.

I live in a large single in a nice dorm on campus this year called Aldrich. There's a kitchen on my floor that a lot of people come use and then leave a mess for the residents to clean up. Then again, some of the residents are pretty slobby too. BYE

I've had a few days

2010-09-17T21:43:00.000-07:00

And I need a few more.
It's yom kippur.

I'm always thinking about things.

And it's weird adjusting to being single- isn't is crazy how quickly things change?
But for the best too.
It has to be, because it happened, right?

Rollercoaster, much?

2010-08-31T00:23:00.000-07:00

Things go up.
And things come down.
And boy, am I sad right now.

Thus far:

2010-08-23T23:56:00.001-07:00

I love Beloit.
I can get nervous and lonely but I know I'm never truly alone.
I have good friends.
I have Boyfriend.
I am thankful.

Summer is over!

2010-08-20T22:46:00.000-07:00

Welcome back to Daniland, ladies and gents.
In about 9 hours I will be well on my way to the beautiful (though impoverished) Beloit, Wisconsin. Awaiting me there are many of the best people I know including boyfriend.
Even though I know it's only a matter of time before I start getting the school blues and wish for the dog days of this humid summer once again I am still clouded by the excitement of something new.
I had a transformative summer- it didn't feel wonderful the whole time- but change was in the air, or possibly just within me. All cliches aside I know that something shifted.

I spent the summer working in the prepared foods department at Whole Foods in Northbrook, IL. I started in the kitchen and learned a lot about cooking from professional chefs. Sweet. Then they moved me out front to deal with customers. I was really good at that; playing the customer service game, but I didn't learn as much about cooking as I did when I worked in back. I got a perfect score from one of our mystery shoppers- that's a big deal at the store. If i was still working there I would have gotten a gift card. Ohdarnit.
But by the end of the summer I had really had it with work. I guess I just don't have a passion for scooping food, making sandwiches, and slicing meat and cheese. But it's nice to know I have a fall back if the whole graduate degree thing doesn't work out. >.<

I used to think making those little faces was dumb- but it so adequately describes the feeling of my last sentiment.

I need to find a fourth class for this semester, preferably in anthropology. Hm Hm Hm. What will I do?

I've been very sick this past week. Last night and this morning were probably the worst of the past five days. I could hardly breathe from all the pressure in my stomach and lungs. But I'm still chugging along and I should be able to start school in relative good health (relative to what, you ask- relative to cancer or AIDS).

I am going to miss my cats SO much this year. I always do. I have the sweetest little girls here, Sadie and Sestra. They have been the highlight of my summer.

I should try to get back to sleep. If my coughing doesn't keep me up all night the benadryl should knock me out.

Goodnight.

Witches' Cradle

2010-04-14T12:10:00.000-07:00

"Transporter," a Spring Day performance
(Campus & Community)

Aaron Gach, 2010 Victor E. Ferrall, Jr., Artist-In-Residence will hoist volunteers by crane in an old, stripped-down Volkswagon bus on the Beloit College campus as part of a larger, ongoing project called Witches' Cradle. The name refers to a medieval torture device in which people suspected of witchcraft were placed in a bag, hung from a tree limb and set swinging.

This performance event addresses the notion of social scapegoating, but it does so with Gach's characteristic sense of whimsy and audience involvement.

Location: Corner of College St. and Emerson St.
Price: free and open to the public
Contact: Cheryl Mikulecky
I was part of the very first group to undergo this crazy experiment. The van was about 100 degrees with 12 people sitting back to back inside it. The van smelled of spray paint and was screened to keep light out. We were given ear plugs.
We were taken off the ground and set spinning but within what felt like seconds I could feel nothing but the sweat dripping down my face. It was the best meditation experience I have ever had. We were levitated for about 15 minutes, but it only felt like a few. I could have gone for much longer.

Crazy things beloit does.

Last Night's Lipstick

2010-04-11T05:24:00.000-07:00

So I woke up with last night's lipstick
and dirty feet.
And I went to the dining hall to get some juice.
But they don't open until 8:30,
and i am thirsty now.

So i went to Adam's but I couldn't get in
because the doors don't unlock till 9
so I stood there and thought about nothing
while birds and squirrels sang

And then i turned around to come back home,
stopping to right some bented flowers
and contemplating browning blossoms

Just thinking

2010-02-23T14:13:00.001-08:00

If you stare out the window through the screen
and look at the space, not the stuff, outside
you can see the wind.

it's like looking through a fun house mirror.
it's cool.

Plans.

2010-02-21T20:52:00.001-08:00

On friday this week I am flying to Galway to see boyfriend. Then we are going to celebrate my birthday, followed by catching a plane to Brussels from Dublin. In Brussels we'll have lunch and take a train to Amsterdam. I've never taken a train besides the subway before so this will be very exciting. In Amsterdam we will stay in a cute little hotel called Hotel Vijaya for two nights and have a wonderful time together.

Or at least, that's the plan.

Then we fly back to Dublin on March 4th. I hang out for one more day, and finally catch a plane back to Chicago. Direct flights both ways. :)

The weekend after that my beautiful cousin Laura is getting married to her awesome fiance Josh. I bought a dress and some heels (the second pair of heels I've owned, Ever) and it's going to be very very nice.

All of these things are just plans though you know, you never really know how things are going to go down until you're on the incline.

It's snowing!!
It's supposed to snow a LOT over the next few hours. Pretty, but annoying. Okay.Yes. Goodnight

Things are okay

2010-01-21T14:13:00.000-08:00

Aside from missing my boyfriend like crazy things are going alright.

Last night I dreamed I was at Osrui again ( only i didn't hate it so much) and I was messing around with my friends Alex and Paden ( I had handcuffed them to each other) when Clay showed up and I was so happy to see him. We embraced and made gooey comments to each other and kissed and then I realized the cats were still outside!
Sadie and Sestra, my wonderful little sistercats, were out and about and playing in the mud. Then they had the ability to turn into humans! So when I called out to Sadie, who comes when I call, and Sestra, who comes when she hears my voice, I told the guy with them to pick them up but he said "Isn't that demeaning? They're perfectly capable of getting to you on their own"
Sestra was maybe ten years old with blonde hair and amber eyes. She was little and cute and had lots of hugs.
Sadie I only saw upside down. My whole family and some family friends and the two human cats were all taking a picture under the fireworks at night, and when I leaned my headback, Sadie and I made eye contact. She had the most beautiful brown eyes. Don't ask me why, her real eyes are green.

That was a nice dream to start my day with.
I took some pictures in enviornmental archeology of the animal bones we were studying in the lab today.

The small bone is a cattle bone dug up from an old plot of land right off campus. it's probably from the 1850's.
The next is a turtle shell that underwent some seriously sweet preservation before being uncovered a few years back.
And finally, that's the whole table with probably about 60 or 70 pieces of animal bones!

Also, Here's what Beloit looks like these days:

That's Aman and Sam hanging out in the Java Joint after Chemistry.

That's The Student center and some cool snow going on.

Oh and Here's some random other stuff:

BRICK CIRCLES!!! THE ALIENS HAVE RETURNED

That's my Environmental Professor.

and those are some effigy mounds that look like animals. they are all over the United States in case you were unaware.
Now why did PaleoIndians make images you could only identify from the sky?
I'm telling you, it's the brick circle aliens.

Current Events

2010-01-12T21:57:00.000-08:00

I was very discouraged today when a professor made it clear she felt that most creative writing majors were actually literary study majors in disguise.

or that may have been my own conclusion because i was nervous.
"you creative writing majors...do it for the love. because it's not a great way to make a living. "
then she anecdoted about a past student who was picked up by an agent through her blog and now has a book contract and then another student who got an MBA in literary studies after being a creative writing major.
"if you're meant to be a lit studies major, it'll find you eventually."

I got a camera from susie, i bought a charger after that.

So here's some pictures of my new room and some friends.

that's stephen in my room.

that's Aj sipping tea

that's the stuff that reminds me of home

that's the view out my window

more to come in Daniland.
I have a feeling things are going to be getting better soon.

Hello Hello

2009-12-30T02:08:00.000-08:00

I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello.

Well its 4 AM again and I did that thing where I get hyper and can't sleep.
I try to sleep.
I just can't sleep.
I just don't sleep.

Sigh.

Yaaaarg

2009-12-26T17:23:00.000-08:00

Yarg is my new way of saying yes.
I don't smoke weed anymore.
It hasn't been that big of a change.
Well at first it was, but it's been about 5.5 weeks.

I'm in the office room with two cats. Sadie on the desk, Sestra sharing the office chair with me. Downstairs I can hear "cats 101" on animal planet. Before that I watched some footage from the 2004 Tsunami in Thailand, Indonesia, and Sri Lanka. I cried of course, because two of the families lost their children-And that's just hard to deal with.

Did you know I'd prefer to adopt children than have my own? Not even because being pregnant will be a bitch (and i know it will), but because there are already so many children who already exist and need families and schooling and love and hugs and a big bed all to themselves.

I had a dream last night that My cousin Laurie and I were sneaking food and water to a group of three cats, two dogs, a penguin, and a very mean parrot in my basement and trying to find them homes.
Every night Laurie and I would sneak downstairs to see a movie in the downstairs Beloit theater (of course that exists you crazy face), then we'd buy tickets with our beloit ID's to see a Harry Potter knockoff (Laurie is obsessed with Harry Potter), and then bring some cold chicken from the Peet Hall fridge to the cats along with some dishes of water. then we'd put the penguin in a big tub of ice and let him sleep outside.

A few times we'd see that the cats had been locked outside.
they came from my crazy old neighbor who had died but never actually existed.

Dreams are weird.

I wish Laurie and I really did have cool adventures like that. But the truth is she's mentally a little behind her peers and sleeps in a bedroom decorated with pictures of Brittany Spears and Justin Timberlake from 1995. She's 22.
Pfff.

The penguin was awesome though. And the parrot liked cantelope.

I can't wait to have my own house that I can fill with pets and children who need love.

My boyfriend Clay is going to Ireland for 6 months. we're doing an "open" thing while he's gone. But it'll still be hard for both of us. we've already been dating for 6 months. Today's actually the official date of 6 months. But I'll be more interested in celebrating a year.

I love Thai Food.

Goodnight world.

Camp

2009-07-13T16:24:00.000-07:00

I've been working at Emily Oaks this summer and we just finished the first day of session two. I love this job, it comes very naturally to me to act like a kid. All the kids last session loved me and today one of my new campers told me i was his favorite "teacher" to date. I think I'm good at this because I understand on a very personal level how much rules can suck. It's not like I can run a free-for all program though so I'm getting pretty good at compromising with the kids. I make sure to always listen to their stories when it's okay for them to be talking. i let them run through the off-path trails at Emily Oaks when we aren't doing a program, and I play with them whenever we have free time so they see that I want them to have fun and the rules aren't that impeding on a good time.
the kids last session had an amazing time at camp. Family night was actually really beautiful and meaningful. we had a floating bonfire on the pond and we burned memory sticks that each camper had imprinted with a memory earlier in the week. We sang "Linger" a lovely song that goes like this.

Mmm hmm, I want to linger
mm mmm, a little longer
mm mm, a little longer here with you.

mmhmm it's such a perfect night
mmhmm it doesn't seem quite right
mmhmm that it should be my last with you

mm mm and come september,
mmhmm, i will remember
mmhmm our camping days and friendships true

mmhmm, and as the years go by,
mmhmm, i'll think of you and sigh,
mmhmm it's just good night and not good bye

very beautiful and campy. i love camp.

Miserable Minneapolis

2009-06-20T23:53:00.000-07:00

Ah, Minneaplis. The finer of the twin cities. The drivers are courteous, the air is clean, Caribu outnumbers Starbucks and in general things are all right. I've been coming here every year since I was born.
Our family used to go to Camp Snoopy, the amusement park in the famous Mall of America, every time we came here. Grandpop would buy us presents just for coming to visit. We stayed in our cousins house and Aviva and I stayed up all night playing the awesome lego sets and doll house our older cousins had grown out of.
It used to be so fun here.
And when my cousins went to college and their parents got divorced we started staying in the Springhill suites, a two minute drive from Grandpop's apartment. Aviva and I would stay up all night being hyper and crazy.
That was okay too.

But I've come less and less in the past few years. It isn't fun anymore. Too may things have changed.

I'm only here now because my grandfather's girlfriend (who we have kept in contact with since his death) is having a 90th birthday party and everyone is making a big fuss. As well they should; she's an amazing lady.

I only have to be here one night, luckily, because work interferes with my family's planned time here.

But Grandpop died last year. The grieving process has been hard for me. Though I'm sure it is for everyone. At home I only think of him and the other devastations of the year that he died from time to time. In Minneapolis- they haunt me every hour.

Though we still stay in the same hotel every single trip, it doesn't feel the same without him popping by for the free breakfast with us in the mornings.

Just like it didn't seem the same when my aunt and uncle got divorced.

Just like it didn't seem the same when we stopped going to Mall of America every trip.

Nothing gold can stay.
Just like all things- Minneapolis fades.

So I fell off the internet for a while...

2009-06-07T04:03:00.000-07:00

But I'm back now.

I wear a fedora and flannel shirts.
I'm over-reactive yet not easily hurt.
I like to be outstanding in every sense of the word.
I wish I could fly so I envy the birds.
Try to get in my way and you're in for a fight. Sometimes I struggle with doing what's right.
I owe you one in advance for that thing I'll forget. I've got chocolate eyes and my hair is brunette.
There aren't many things I don't want to do
and if you come over tomorrow, I'll make dinner for you!

Passover

2009-04-09T00:09:00.001-07:00

Tonight marked the first night of Passover, the Jewish holiday that reminds us how lucky we are to be free individuals with lots of food. To commemorate it, I invited two friends, Abby and Jon, to my house for seder. A fourth was added to our party when I bribed Adam 50 dollars to drive us to Chicago after we missed the bus by about 4 seconds. No fool, Adam consented and was heavily repaid in friendship, money, and food.
I felt so exposed having my extended family around my college friends- Abby told me she can see where i get my personality from in my parents. *shiver* Jon found the afikomen- his first time! Apparently his older brother always finds it at his house. Even though I felt a little overshadowed by my friends, I still had a good time.
It was such a tease to only be home for a few hours. Both cats were so excited to see me. I felt awful leaving them- so I took the next best thing, Bunny and Amy, the stuffed animals who have lived on my bed for years. Bunny is about a foot long- with long ears, overalls, and a carrot. She used to be incredibly soft all over but 16 years of cuddling have given most of her fur a matted chic look ;-). Amy is a Build-a-Bear bear in a princess t-shirt. She's brown with a fuzzy black nose and very understanding eyes. Bunny has understanding eyes too- but she's really just a reflection of an other self- so it makes sense that I find compassion in her fuzzy, friendly face. I don't talk to Amy much, she's Bunny's Bunny- that's why Bunny always goes closest to me and Amy on her other side.
What am I, a toddler? I know i'm too big for this stuff but there was so much comfort having them in a fuzzy embrace. The girls symbolize my whole childhood, and were with me in my most emotional states, you know, after the argument where you just sit on your bed crying for 20 minutes in a frustrated rage. Bunny and Amy saw me through that, hundreds of times, and love me anyway.
Should I be embarrassed that I still want them in my bed? Either way Mom and Dad will take them home tomorrow when they come up for their meeting with a financial aid adviser.

the moral of the post? Don't stick beans in your ears.

Letter from my older brother

2009-04-05T23:04:00.000-07:00

Dearest Daniayla,

I am happy to hear you have somewhat officially decided to be a Creative Writing Major and an Anthropology Minor. Don't worry about what you'll specialize in for now.
We have to start getting A's though. High school's over! There's no reason to hold back anymore; no reason to glide through. The hardest part about college is keeping the work ethic strong. It's okay that we sometimes forget that to achieve the things you want to, we have to do things you don't want to. That's why I made you this list of things we've learned this year to help you stay on track.

-Only take classes starting at or after 10AM. Having to get out of bed in time is a totally avoidable struggle.
-Study for tests at least one hour of one day other than the one right before the test.
-No more 3AM pizzas. Ever.
-Take at least one dance class to maintain SOME physical activity.
-Try to eat mostly veggies and whole grains. It's okay to stray sometimes, but you stay trimmer the less trans fat and white flour we ingest. And you feel better when we're smaller anyway.
-Life is like chess, you have to look at the whole board before you react.
-Thinking about consequences in advance isn't always hazardous to our health.
-You can't hurry love. You'll just have to wait.
-When you get a new piercing, CLEAN IT EVERY DAY. There's no reason to get an avoidable infection.
-Trust more

Love Always,
Mimzeopolis

2009-03-30T22:29:00.000-07:00

Tonight my friend Adam came over around 11:30. He and I had the greatest time watching lost, talking, and laughing. He kept saying what a good friend I was. Have I ever told any of tyou how much I love college?

I love college. My classes are interesting; I decided to be an anthropology minor. I still don't know what I'm going to major in.

I have the greatest friends here. A few of them are even coming to our passvoer seder next wednesday.

But I miss the kitties.

Prayer of a Desperate Fool

2009-03-24T09:11:00.000-07:00

Make me in your image
For mine does not suffice
I'll ask again if you refuse me,
once now, twice, then thrice

For I am not as holy,
as You, Exalted One.
I grow dim and shadowed
in your brilliant shining sun.

Free me from my captors
the demons of daily life
I wish to only serve you-
forgo the struggles of waking strife

Though I feel that I'm not weak
I choose the weak man's path
Relieve me of decisions,
and consequence's wrath.

I don't call it giving up
I call it giving in
I beseech your power save me,
from all my earthly sins

You know why I so need you-
my princess I have failed
In my arms she lies here, lifeless.
Her lovely face, death's veiled

I must not have deserved her
so I pray you take me too
As a servant for my princess,
and a lowly slave for you

To prove my offer is sincere,
I take my own life now
I pray thee see proof of my desire
in my furrowed, frozen brow.

I WENT BUNGEE JUMPING

2009-03-22T15:53:00.000-07:00

I went BUNGEE JUMPING yesterday!!!!.
Adam, Gwenivere, and I drove an hour and half out to the Wisconsin Dells to visit Extreme World! It was a tourist trap town with three thousand residents and what felt like a million resorts. The Bungee Jump was set up so that with your ankles bound together with velcro, carribeaners, and the same material that holds your skis in place you were lifted 180 feet up in a little metal cart. At the top, the douchebag in charge tells you to hold each side of the gate door and when he opens it, just fall.
And that I did!
No hesitation, no scream, I just let my body fall out the gate and down the 130 feet before the cord yanked me back up. It wasn't as uncomfortable as you might have thought to be flung around by the bungee cord. With my arms out to each side I yelled to the spectators, "I'm flying!" and then "You all have to do this!" My body was in freakout mode for a little bit- because I was upside down and falling, but not hitting the ground. But my brain, My soul...we were soaring.
I know,I know, that's cheesey for a tourist trap experience but just because Rome, the Carribean, and 200 water slides were in my line of sight doesn't mean the falling, flying, and jerking wasn't incredible. I can't wait to do it again somewhere more exotic though. Maybe over water?

If you haven't jumped off something high up lately, DO IT!
But use a mat if you're more than 5 feet up, and a net if you're more than 10... and so on. Be safe. BUT FALL!

2009-03-19T11:29:00.000-07:00

Click! click for wet kitties, it's hu-larious.

no dreams last night! first night in weeks without one. It wasn't very good sleep- i woke up every few hours, but it was restful nonetheless.

Only one class today, the Physics of Music at 2PM. We're getting our midterms back. Crossing my fingers for a B or higher.

Today it's sunny but the air is cold. Almost perfect weather.

Hijacked

2009-03-18T08:09:00.000-07:00

So yesterday night's dream...

My extended family on my dad's side and a few random boys who were acting as cousins were all at a family friend's house. Aviva told everyone that I smoked weed and the resulting clamor was less than accepting. It was as if suddenly I was pitted against everyone in my family. One of the random boys told me he was secretly on my side. I addressed the room and asked them to please accept my life choices and understand that what I do in my free time doesn't define me as a person. My cousin Laurie kept calling weed "clover" and wanted to try smoking it. Her mother, my aunt, tried very politely to make it clear that Laurie and I wouldn't be spending any time together from then on. She watched me put the "clover" cigarette into a pack of Marlboro reds with a frown.
There was more, but that's the highlight.

Last night's dream I was shot in each knee and each elbow by a man with a gun who was hijacking the mini-bus I was taking. He took a few of the girls I was with into a store and told us all to buy shoes and dresses to work in. It was like he was making slaves out of us. When he wasn't looking, I dialed 911 on my cell and communicated via text message with the authorities. But after they came, I realized that in calling 911, my friend Sam would be going to jail because he knew the man who had kidnapped us. He was devastated that I would betray him, and I tried explaining that Sam was innocent and hadn't had anything to do with the man who shot me.
Everyone who found out was angry with me for betraying Sam, who then turned into my father. I showed them where I was shot but they believed I was only seeking attention in bringing my injuries into this.

Crossed intermittently with this scenario was another sequence where I was a man working in a bank with my son when a man came in and tried to rob the bank. He had a gun and was yelling at everyone but I was able to distract him for a while but I couldn't really call the police because he kept looking at me. I couldn't very well put a phone to my ear while talking to him and I was worried about my son. This part of the dream was much less upsetting than the other because I felt like I maintained control even though I couldn't contact the police. No body got shot in this part of the dream.

Sigh. I feel like I never get any sleep. Every time my eyes close I'm thrown into vivid and usually upsetting dreams that follow me throughout the day. I've been having these dreams all through college but as of second semester they've been nightly instead of every so often. Not cool.

But don't worry you few and true readers, my awake life is actually very satisfactory.

Bad Dreams

2009-03-16T23:31:00.000-07:00

Last night I had an unfortunate dream. There are three pieces I remember especially:

At a combination of the dog-run on the side of my house and Uriel's backyard he and I found plant seeds. I threw them up in the air and as they landed Uriel yelled, "NO!" because the seeds were of a plant that was impossible to get rid of. I discovered later the plants would die if you drowned them, but even then it wasn't a sure thing they would be gone for good.

At a confrontation with a scary thug-man and his minions I convinced them I was cool and managed to get a job drying out weed to be sold. After discovering all I had to do was suck the moisture out it took me what felt like four hours to dry out an entire ounce. When the guy in charge (a tall, gruff twenty-something in a wife beater and baggy black jean-shorts) saw my progress he said, "Damn, you did that shit fast!" and took the bag out of my hands. I was pissed off that I wasn't going to directly benefit from my hard work. At our big gang meeting I whispered to a boy who looked eleven or twelve that he and I were going to get some back. The leader was addressing our group when he fell over backwards and chaos erupted as shots were fired and an authoritative figure threw the weed out the window and down thirty feet to the forest below (naturally). I looked and felt about twelve as my companion and I broke away to find the weed. When we did I ended up trying to load a bong that looked like a supersoaker in the bathroom.

But those damn plants had sprouted everywhere again and before I could enjoy myself I had to destroy as many of my plants as possible. Then I heard my parents come home and rushed to conceal my (amazingly-sweet) bong from their view and barely succeeded before waking up and worrying Aviva was going to be mad at me for getting caught.

This is only one of many incredibly vivid and upsetting dreams I've had this year. I've stopped trying to find meaning in them. The only thing I can prove from my dreams like this is that I have a lot on my mind.

If I were to give this dream to a character I made up the plants would symbolize mistakes. The drug-man would represent the risk of letting a person, rather than a system, be in charge of your career, and the super-soaker bong would be on the market in the next three years.